Seriously, I have been having "mom cabinfeverfunknessitis." Yeah, it's real...err...sorta...okay so i totally made it up, but it describes my recent funk. I can't get my house clean or do laundry or make myself load everyone up to go do errands by myslef or get dressed or fix my hair or do my makeup and I'm going stir crazy. Blissful are the days with no children where you can run free and go see a show and run to go get some....whatever... that you forgot at the store or just return library books without unbuckling kids from their carseats to tote them all inside with you so that you aren't a cps victim somehow- b/c of this blasted pc society. I haven't been able to workout b/c I can't seem to be able to drag myself out to go do it unless it's after 10pm and then I really want to try to get to bed b/c I know the kids will wake me up in a few hours to feed or to sleep with me or just because we should celebrate the first rays of sun having peeked over the horizon. Don't they know "I just want to sleep for a few more minutes mom?" Except now I am the mom, and if I don't change their diaper no one will, or feed them veggies or wipe their bottom or bathe them or brush their teeth. Their survival is based upon me at least until daddy gets home or until they get old enough to fend for themselves. I chase them, I yell, I scream, I plead, I reason, I spank, I discipline.... I get so tired of doing all of that. I need a DVR so I can pause this program of life and take a moment and RELAX and relish in some silence, but in our life's program it just keeps going and sometimes it feels like the fast forward was pushed and you yearn for the past.
People tell me all the time to cherish this time because I will miss it. Will I? REALLY? You miss the middle of the night feeding sessions? You miss the yelling and frustration and the disciplining your kids because they honestly don't know better yet? You miss ear infections and teething and exploding diapers and mystery illnesses and sore nipples and the ups and downs of the weight gains from pregnancy? The tantrums the breakdowns, the spilled Tide and the fecal matter spread as if it were finger paint on the crib???? Will I miss it? HA!
On the other Hand- I remember having the baby fever yearning to have a baby. I remember running to pee on the test and waiting for a little + to appear. I was sad when it didn't and overjoyed when it finally did. I remember losing babies to miscarriage and finally, finally making it past the 12 week mark and celebrating the birth of my baby. I relish the smiles and giggles and the discovery of new words and new milestones. I love hear my daughter pray to God to "bless Jesus to come back" and watching my kids love on each other. I get little glimpses of heaven when my daughter can tell I'm having a hard time and am frustrated and she comes and gives me a hug and kisses my cheek, and says, "Mommy, I always love you." I will miss the moments of snuggling my sweet baby boy and feeling my heart grow a little bit larger with the love I have for my 3 babies. I will miss the moments. I know I'm naieve now because I know probably 10 years from now I will again long for another baby and miss these moments, but for now I really can't wait to be a grandma!
The great thing is- I know how women are feeling so overwhelmed as young mothers. I can empathize with them and it helps me as I endure this so I know what others like me are going through with their bundles of trouble/mischevious/joy/angels. Thank heaven (literally) I have a great husband, but I am still struggling to get through the days, but at least I know I'm not alone. This is only temporary, and soon I'll look back and...well you know.
p.s. I really can't live without my kids for all that they do or don't do sometimes- I wouldn't trade 'em for anything.
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