Taking the Supplement Plunge

I've pretty much had it.  I can't seem to muster up the energy and motivation I need to get these last 20 lbs off of me.  I try to do so much during the day that there just isn't much left at the end of the day.  Waking up at 5 am seems like an insurmountable task when I consider the extra 2 hours of sleep I could have instead.   So I talked to my pediatrician recently and we discussed me having some caffeine before workouts.  I am not a caffeine drinker from cokes for various reasons (one of which is that they taste nasty to me), so I was thinking about buying straight up caffeine pills from GNC.  I've learned that nursing mothers can have 2-3 cups of coffee a day, and that translates into 400-600 mg of caffeine a day.  I'm only planning on less than 100 mg of caffeine and only before I workout.  Gary bought me a Jillian Michaels book b/c I love the Biggest Loser among other things and she recommends Guarana. 

I looked into that and it's supposed to be similar to caffeine but with a slower time-release, so I talked to the pharmacist and he says it's safe for nursing mothers.  I went to GNC tonight and bought a bottle for about $14.00.  1 capsule of guarana= 90 mg of caffeine.  I'm super excited to try it.  Before I was married and actually until it was "outlawed" I loved to take the Ripped Fuel w/Ephedra (because it worked!!!).  I am not afraid of supplements and at this point will welcome any help that I can get.  I'll get back to you to let you know how that works out with my 20lbs. and all. 

On Monday, I went and worked out at LA Fitness with one of my girlfriends and we did a cardio/weight/combo class.  I am actually sore today (in a good way, woot woot).  The point is, that during the workout I have to check myself out to check my form, but unfortunately that means I also inadvertantly, ummm....check out my form.  I found myself looking for my waist.  I remember it distinctly.  It was somewhere between my hip bones and my bra, but I just couldn't seem to find it.  Where did it go?  I'm determined to reconquer that 'waistland.'  People keep telling me that I look good, and I think it's because some of them have nothing to compare it to except my very pregnant self.  I do look better than when I was pregnant at least, or at least better than when I was 6+ months pregnant.  (cuz right now I look like I'm at least 4-5 months prego).  Seriously, I'm still wearing only elastic waisted pants.  Not cool.  Not sexy. Not me.  So, I'm gonna take guarana, and hopefully that'll be my wonder drug or at least the kick in the pants I need because I somehow am unable to kick myself enough to have the same effect.

Moving on- I am making scrumptious oatmeal raisin cookies for a treat for Relief Society tomorrow.  They are nummy.  I have only eaten one, and since I'm delivering them tomorrow they shouldn't sabotage me too much.  I have a pretty near insatiable sweet tooth.  (hence the 20 lbs)

It actually started because there were dried out raisins in the pantry so I soaked them in a bowl of some water today for several hours, and later realized we wouldn't eat them so I should bake with them.  What better than oatmeal raisin cookies?  Yum.

I'm about to take Van to the DR. to make sure he doesn't have an ear infection.  My kids seems like they are prone to ear infections, and he has been a little cranky and pulling at his ears for the last couple of days.  He is also teething however.  His 2 front teeth are just itching to come in.  Then he will have bottom and upper; my breasts are not excited about that.  I'm afraid of how many times I'm gonna get bit.  OUCH!

Gym Rat

I have tried working out at home, but it just doesn't work for me.  I need weights.  I also don't like to mess up my carpet.  I've thought about getting one of those plastic chair mats for office chairs.  I can't jump rope or do jumping jacks on my carpet or run in place because I am determined that it will ruin my carpet.  I am a gym rat.  I love to work out at the gym.  I love the environment, equipment, amenities, but also at the gym lives one of my....pet peeves. 
It seems there are several types of women who work out at the gym:

1.  the fat women who belong there and are at least showing up to try to make a difference.  They come in sweats and a t-shirt or just whatever they can throw together.  I don't see these there very often , but I do respect them.

2.  the women who aren't fit yet, but they definitely aren't fat either, they have gotten off their butts and are in a habit of working out again, but just haven't reached their goals yet.  They wear a whole myriad of work out gear or sweats or whatever.

3.  There are the in-shape hottie women who show up to workout; they are in maintenance mode and have their hair up and work out and go home. (and those of us who are still in the fatty mode or at least in the only 20lbs to go mode use them for motivation)

and then there are my pet peeves:

4.  These are the ladies who are hottie bodies with super cute (or just super skimpy) clothes with perfect makeup and their hair is blow dryed, flat-ironed, and DOWN!  They go through the motions and show up to be admired but not to work (that is my personal opinion and in my experience is completely on point)

These ladies drive me crazy.  I always wonder, what is the point?  They makeup is fresh, which I try to excuse by thinking MAYBE they came straight from work so it just happens to still be on from the day (except that it's fresh).  What it really comes down to is the hair.  Cute clothes?  fine.  Makeup? excusable under certain circumstances.  Hair fixed, flat ironed and down?  What could possibly make that okay?  If you are going to work out then put your flippin' hair up.  Seriously!  If you came to show off your figure and get some hookups-ummm go to the club.  It drives me INSANE.  Women get all in a tiffy about men hitting on them at the gym and then they pull these kind of stunts.  What do you expect?  If you have your cute workout clothes on and your hair up and you are actually working out and then you get hit on- I think that's completely different- you can't help your cuteness and the guy's brashness.  The other women-Flat Iron Flaunters who are only their for show-well I wish they'd just stay home or at the store, or just about anywhere else and let me work without their taking up space and equipment that could actually be used by someone else who wants to work it- on the equipment.

Thanks for the Rant.

p.s. I have no problem with personal trainers having fresh makeup and doing their hair however they want.  It's their job and they are selling their services and need to look their best-including hair and makeup-although personally I just scope out their own body to see how well they do their job.  If your hair dresser has bad hair, turn around and walk out the door, and if a trainer is not in shape and then some-don't bother.

I'm not ready to dry up...yet.

So lately I feel like I have been so empty....as far as milk production goes.  I'm a little worried about drying up before it's time.  I still have 4 1/2 months to go to get Van the Man to the year mark.  Tonight, I only got 3 oz out of one side.  I wonder if it's because I'm stressed or he's eating more at night, or what. 

Another thing, I got my very first cold sore.  Not something to celebrate, but it was an eye-opening-now-I-have-empathy-for-all-other-cold-sore-endurers, and I had to buy a $16 tube of Abreva that was maybe 1/10 of 1 oz.  Ugh!  I woke up at about 3am(ish) and it felt like my kid had accidentally scratched my lip and it was burning.  I woke up to find a gathering of 7 blisters on my lower lip.  It was some burning, tingly, pussy nastiness.  Gross, Gross, Gross.  I've had it for over a week now, and my hubba hubba husband says I should just pick off the scab, but I informed him scars are for guys so I'd just wait it out.  I haven't been able to smooch on him or my babies for a week!  This is a picture of it in the healing process.  ewwww!

Lastly, ummm why don't women pluck their eyebrows?  Seriously!  if women would just ya know, do a little plucking, waxing, and trimming it would make a world of difference.  I'm always up for looking like a woman and looking your hottest that you can, but last week I caught a glance at myself -sans makeup-. 

When did that happen?  Yeah all of a sudden or so it seemed my eyebrows had just about grown in completely.  I set out to remedy the situation and do an overall status update of myself.  I managed to take a pic of my eyebrows a few days later, also sans makeup.  Once I zoomed in, I could tell that it still needs a little work, but aaaah- so much better.

  I'm always one that asks, "didn't she look in the mirror before she left the house?"  Apparently I hadn't, but I'm better now, and to top it all off I resisted the third slice of Papa John's candian bacon/pineapple goodness that I sooooo wanted tonight....

So many Projects.... To Do!

I lately feel like I'm attempting to be a Jill-of-all-trades kinda mom.  I'm hyped to get started in woodworking because I want to build some furniture.  I want to reupholster our nasty couches.

Last year I took a cake decorating class, and have some of those to come up in the future.

 I also want to sand and repaint our coffee table and contemplating our kitchen cabinets.  I want to make some felt playhouses and quiet books for my kids and I need to start another quilt.  So to put it in list form:

Cake decorator

Baker

Carpenter-make some furniture

Seamstress-felt playhouse and quiet books

Reupholstery-redo my couches
Refinisher-coffee table and kitchen cabinets

I also need to get busy and practice the piano some more.  Too ambitious much?  It'll be fun, but those are things that I'm just craving to do.  The problem too is that with our small house, I do not have a craft room or spare areas to be able to do these things.  We park both cars in the garage so I'd have to keep a car in the driveway if I want to play with wood in there, and my couches if I'm going to be redoing them, because there is no way in hades that I can do that in the house with the kids.


On a side note- Van now has 2 teeth that has come in and Scarlett is starting to pee in the toilet instead of her diaper.  Wahoo!  Now, if I could only keep up with housework, reading to my kids, reading for myself, praying with my kids, doing something educational with them, laundry, singing to them, play with them, making dinners, working out so that I can get rid of this nasty post-baby-bod before we get prego again.....so much to do!   Also, I did find an awesome way to store my breast milk in the freezer.  I put a small cutting board in the freezer so that I can lay down the milk bags flat in there while they freeze.  They are nice and flat this way and much more "organize-able".  It makes me happy.

If it's not one thing....

It's definitely another. I think that trials are AWESOME-just not when you are going through them. When it rains it pours right, but maybe we should quit standing in the rain and let Jesus hold the umbrella to shield us a little bit. It'll still be raining but at least you won't be hit so hard and it's not nearly as bad being in the rain if you have an umbrella, right? My goal is to give more of the junk to Jesus. I just found out about some money we're going to have to use to fix some stuff, and where is that going to come from? Seriously! We can't refinance, sooooo where do you pull extra extra extra money from? Beats me, but I'm trying my darnedest to put my trust in the Lord on this one. He's gonna take care of us and He had to know this was gonna happen and He still said he'd take care of us, so I just gotta have a little faith.

I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be paycheck to paycheck. I don't want to live in a trailer or eat mac-n-cheese for dinner, but honestly if worse comes to worse in our lives here on the earth- I find solace in knowing it's only temporary and after we die that's when we get our true reward anyway. I don't think it'll get that bad, but if it ever did at least I have an awesome family and my faith in God will carry me through anything- if you'll only let it. So quit getting drenched and get under Jesus' umbrella-he's holding it whether you want to use it or not. So whatcha gonna do?

Kids, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em

Seriously, I have been having "mom cabinfeverfunknessitis." Yeah, it's real...err...sorta...okay so i totally made it up, but it describes my recent funk. I can't get my house clean or do laundry or make myself load everyone up to go do errands by myslef or get dressed or fix my hair or do my makeup and I'm going stir crazy. Blissful are the days with no children where you can run free and go see a show and run to go get some....whatever... that you forgot at the store or just return library books without unbuckling kids from their carseats to tote them all inside with you so that you aren't a cps victim somehow- b/c of this blasted pc society. I haven't been able to workout b/c I can't seem to be able to drag myself out to go do it unless it's after 10pm and then I really want to try to get to bed b/c I know the kids will wake me up in a few hours to feed or to sleep with me or just because we should celebrate the first rays of sun having peeked over the horizon. Don't they know "I just want to sleep for a few more minutes mom?" Except now I am the mom, and if I don't change their diaper no one will, or feed them veggies or wipe their bottom or bathe them or brush their teeth. Their survival is based upon me at least until daddy gets home or until they get old enough to fend for themselves. I chase them, I yell, I scream, I plead, I reason, I spank, I discipline.... I get so tired of doing all of that. I need a DVR so I can pause this program of life and take a moment and RELAX and relish in some silence, but in our life's program it just keeps going and sometimes it feels like the fast forward was pushed and you yearn for the past.

People tell me all the time to cherish this time because I will miss it. Will I? REALLY? You miss the middle of the night feeding sessions? You miss the yelling and frustration and the disciplining your kids because they honestly don't know better yet? You miss ear infections and teething and exploding diapers and mystery illnesses and sore nipples and the ups and downs of the weight gains from pregnancy? The tantrums the breakdowns, the spilled Tide and the fecal matter spread as if it were finger paint on the crib???? Will I miss it? HA!

On the other Hand- I remember having the baby fever yearning to have a baby. I remember running to pee on the test and waiting for a little + to appear. I was sad when it didn't and overjoyed when it finally did. I remember losing babies to miscarriage and finally, finally making it past the 12 week mark and celebrating the birth of my baby. I relish the smiles and giggles and the discovery of new words and new milestones. I love hear my daughter pray to God to "bless Jesus to come back" and watching my kids love on each other. I get little glimpses of heaven when my daughter can tell I'm having a hard time and am frustrated and she comes and gives me a hug and kisses my cheek, and says, "Mommy, I always love you." I will miss the moments of snuggling my sweet baby boy and feeling my heart grow a little bit larger with the love I have for my 3 babies. I will miss the moments. I know I'm naieve now because I know probably 10 years from now I will again long for another baby and miss these moments, but for now I really can't wait to be a grandma!

The great thing is- I know how women are feeling so overwhelmed as young mothers. I can empathize with them and it helps me as I endure this so I know what others like me are going through with their bundles of trouble/mischevious/joy/angels. Thank heaven (literally) I have a great husband, but I am still struggling to get through the days, but at least I know I'm not alone. This is only temporary, and soon I'll look back and...well you know.

p.s. I really can't live without my kids for all that they do or don't do sometimes- I wouldn't trade 'em for anything.

Lazy Dayzzzzz

I need need need to workout, but I keep finding myself at the end of days, just wanting to chillax, and not do anything but eat sweets with hubby while we watch a movie or read. I'm still up 20 lbs from this last pregnancy, and I keep thinking I NEED to go workout. I would love to (a) fit in my jeans and (b) be sexy for my husband again, because this belly is just not cutting it. I figure we're probably about to get pregnant again soon, so it needs to go so it doesn't get added to the mix. That's another little temptation in the back of the head calling to me-you're about to get pregnant again anyway. Argh! Just go workout already, I was doing so well. Now, I find myself also thinking, "I don't want to miss husband time at night, and I for sure don't feel like waking up at 5am", but maybe I should. I'm just in an exercising funk funk funk.

I wish I could take some kind of workout pill, but most of those are loaded with caffeine and things that will pass through to baby Van while nursing, so that won't work, but I would love to do it because I just need a swift kick in my elastic/drawstring pants.