My boyfriend's back.....

Yeah, not really.  I got a random email from an ex-boyfriend of mine today.  It was a relationship that I ended and was definitely not going to pursue.  He had an anger problem that I wasn't going to let him fix on me.  In addition to that Gary was getting off of his mission, and he was my first priority to explore that option, so it was perfect timing to end my previous relationship.  It ended kinda badly.  He told me some things that affected me and even further cemented my decision to break up with him.  (I had always told every boyfriend that Gary was a possibility when he got home from his mission- I was up front about that from the start).  Anyway, so I got this message today from him today saying how he'd had things on his mind for about 10 years and that he was sorry about how he had acted and that he was embarrassed and that he had been childish and was embarrassed about that.  He said that I had been a good friend to him.  Anyway, he also told me about things that he said to me that weren't true, so I'm guessing now that he said them to hurt me because I was hurting him by leaving him.  It sure threw me for a loop getting that message, but reflecting back now, I'm glad to know that some of those things weren't true that he said, and also that he knows he acted badly.  Maybe that makes him a better person today for knowing that about himself from so long ago.  It also makes me wonder if it had really been plaguing him, cuz that would suck for him.  I just keep thinking that I have been so blissfully happy with Gary and that once I broke up with the other guy I never looked back.  Part of me feels vindicated and part of me just feels sad for him.  But all in all, it was still kind of a cool message to get.  Thought I'd share.

Just listen to her

Well, this may be premature, but I'm writing about it anyway.  For the last couple of weeks, Scarlett keeps having near fits when we go to put diapers on for bed.  She kept telling me that she didn't want a diaper.  I told her that if she can have a dry diaper in the morning that we will let her sleep in panties.  She kept waking up wet, so we'd still been putting her in diapers.  She is 32 months now.  Well 2-3 days ago,  I was checking on everyone before I went to bed and found her stark naked.  I didn't want to chance waking her up by putting on a diaper because frankly I didn't want to deal, so I just let it go.  Tonight is the third night now that I am putting her to bed sans diaper because she has been dry the last two mornings.  I may have accidentally gotten myself into having only 1 kid in diapers now (at least till Skyler comes along next month).  I'm super excited about the whole thing and just hope she keeps it up.  When Hazel decided she was done with diapers at night she did it kind of all of a sudden too.  It's awesome.  I'm hoping Van will only be in diapers another year before we can have him potty training.  fingers crossed.

8 months pregnant

It's been about 3 months, so I thought i'd take a minute and write something.  Something is definitley better than nothing. 
Last time I went to my doctor I was about 6-8 lbs short of my end prego weight with Hazel.  That is pretty frustrating, but I'm hoping, hoping, hoping, to be able to get it all off faster than 9 months that it came on.  I can only walk, swim, or stationary bike for my cardio afterwards, so this will be a challenge.  Normally, I go with treadmill, running, and stairmaster.  I've got to  get my hips back in alignment before I can start running again.  At least I won't have to buy running shoes yet.

I have 1 month and 1 day until I'm induced.  Gary's mom will be out here, and that is mainly because mom won't be able to come since she'll be cruising.  It'll be good for her to be out here though, we love her, and she hasn't been able to be there for the birth of a baby yet.  This will be nice.

We finally bought a traverse from a dealership in Texas.  We spent probably $5,000 more than our goal, but we saved at least $10,000.  It's a tradeoff, and we'll keep this vehicle for about 4 years or so before we'll have to get an 8 passenger vehicle.  This one is 7 passenger and it just had the extra amenities I wanted, but didn't need.  I am doubting my decision a little bit since payments are gonna be more than what I had budgeted, but I'm chillin' for now.  Since we got such a good deal, we should be good to go when we trade/sell it for the next one.  Debt is so stressful.  Must be why they tell you to get out and stay out!

Gary has 6 classes left till bachelor's degree.  He's doing 4 right now plus an institute class he's teaching, plus our new baby coming.  He is busy busy busy.  I remember with fondness our childfree days, and I love our kids, but I think it's hard because it's os hard for me to move around right now.  It'll be nice when I can be more mobile, and then our kids will slowly be getting older.

I'm trying to put together a schedule so that my days will be organized.  Rough draft goes something like this:

morning:  prayer, scriptures, breakfast, cleaning, and learning time

afternoon:  naptime/quiet time, play time, makeup and husband time

night:  play with kids, cook dinner, clean up, have family scriptures and pray/fhe, get kids to bed,  exercise, husband time, journal

it's packed, but structure is good right???????? 

Frustrations:  Scarlett not listening and disciplining her.  It breaks my heart to discipline her, but she needs it.  I"m wondering if i need to be more creative with her????

Hazel, I need to figure out a good way to teach her how to write letters and learn to read without frustrating her.  Right now I'm taking the stance of practice, practice, practice. 

thoughts running through my mind

1.  Ultrasound on the 28th of May.  I'm hoping it's a boy!  I'll be 22 weeks at the time of ultrasound, so we'll see. Fingers crossed.  The other thing is that we'll get to see if my Hematoma is still hanging around, and hope that it's not.  I still have to take it easy because my hips have been hurting, but at least then I can lift up my kids and play with them more if the hematoma is gone.

2.  I love sushi, and I still want to go get the honey mustard chicken fingers salad thingy at BJs.

3.  I know I'm gonna swell this summer with this pregnancy.  So I wonder how nasty I'm gonna look and how much weight that will put on me.  ugh!  Not looking forward to all the work it's gonna take to be me again after this baby.  I remember blissfully being able to button jeans with no muffin top.

4.  I love my kids, and I love date nights with the husbands.  I need more date nights.  I'm aiming for at least once a week.

5.  Random- the President of Mexico was condemning our immigration policy and the AZ law.  Hypocritical, funny, ironic- Mexico's immigration policy states, among other things, that they will deport people who immigrate there illegally and that they can bar people from coming into their country based on physical and mental capacity.  They also must be productive members of society contributing to the good of Mexico and have the financial means to sustain themselves.  Imagine if we adopted their policy?????

6.  I'm up 35 lbs this pregnancy if I count the extra 20 that I didn't lose from the last pregnancy.  Technically I've only gained 15 lbs so far this one.

7.  We have to get a new vehicle soon.  Which to choose???  Another car pymt-ugh. 

There are always more, but it's funny when you start trying to get them out how much you forget.

8.  I'm reading the Lord of the Rings series.  They are good, but slow because Tolkien is sooooo descriptive.

......to be cont'd.....

don't know when to shut up

Yeah, I sometimes just share too much information, like i'm about to do.  Probably, maybe, who knows, anyway, here goes:

So I'm almost 17 weeks prego and still on "take it easy" mode.  I'm also unfortunately, still on pelvic rest for at least 2 more weeks.  I tried to be a little more active on Saturday night and ended up bleeding, so my pelvic rest has been extended for 2 more weeks.  Ugh!  It's already been a month!  Seriously.  I left church early on Sunday because I had a hot flash that left me feeling week and with cold sweats.  I needed to lie down, so Gary took me home and after laying down for about 2 hours and 2 grilled cheese sandwiches- I felt better. 
Side note, I'm up 20 lbs from last pregnancy (old news), but have only gained an additional 5 lbs or so this pregnancy, so that's good.  I know that water weight is coming though.  I'm not looking forward to the swelling the summer will bring- although maybe it won't be too bad if I'm still have to be in rest mode for the rest of the pregnancy.
My stomach still is bothering me, so I am not doing too much, but I feel a little lazy this way.  It's for the baby and it's only temporary.  I went to a ward activity on Saturday with the fam, and that seemed fine.  I sat most of the time, and it was nice to just get out of the house.
One good thing about having complications in pregnancy is the increased number of ultrasounds I will get to have, and since I'm 17 weeks, by the time we get the next one, we should know gender.  (please be a boy, please be a boy, come on Skyler M. Bailey)
What else?  I think my girls are getting better about letting me rest, and at the same time getting restless about me needing rest.  They aren't listening as well as normal, and that's frustrating.  Scarlett has started talking a lot more this last week, and that is exciting.  Van is getting better about his schedule and has started sleeping through the night again ( a couple times in the last week, whew!). 
So, my birthday is on Friday, and my husband has given me 4 pairs of new shoes.  I love them, and am wondering if I am getting too many pairs of shoes, but I have to admit that I am still on the lookout for some knee-high, black stiletto boots. (size 8, if you please :)  We are going to go to Melting Pot for the first time and dine in fondue heaven.  There is one present that I'm not getting yet, but I'm hoping that it will be coming.  It's the one thing I really really really want cuz it'd be awesome for me and good for someone else.  Cryptic, cryptic, eh? 
Lastly,  I can't wait to get botox and some fillers someday.  I just thought I'd throw that one in there. 
This post seems very unorganized and just info that is thrown out there, but there it is.  Sometimes, that's just how my brain works.   muah!

My Hiatus

I've lost my camera, so I don't have any pics to post right now, but I am pretty much back from my hiatus.  I found out I was pregnant and after you find out you're pregnant, but aren't ready to announce it- that is pretty much all that's on your mind: hence my not writing anything at all.  I am going to be 15 weeks on Thursday, so am over my hump-that's good.  i am still not "out of the woods" yet, however.  This pregnancy has experienced cramping and then the usual morning sickness and difficulty during the time I have to be on my meds (make me tired and dizzy), but I also have a subchorionic hematoma.  In Layman's terms- I have a hole where my uterus/placenta has pulled away from the uterine wall.  It puts me at a higher danger for miscarriage and I seem to be going between bedrest and semi-bedrest until this things resolves itself and it may or may not.  I have no doubt that we'll have this baby; I just don't know when (full term?) and how painful/inconvenient/scary/frustrating the rest of this pregnancy will be.  It is hard to take it easy and not lift up the kids to much and not do much housework, but I'm trying to be very good about listening to my body.  My husband is also my own personal superman, having picked up the slack like a pro (as much as he can, we still have crazy laundry and the house is in disarray).  He has been cooking and lifting and feeding and changing and bathing everyone so I don't have to do it, and that is so nice.  Some girlfriends have been so awesome to take the kids a few days so I could rest and some have come over while gary is in school, brought me snacks (they were so good:  reese's puffs, sweedish fish, gum, sourpatch kids, grapes and this morning greek food!), and my mom has been able to come up to help at night while gary is in school.  It has been so much help, and this just all started on the 18th.
We had to go to the emergency room because I thought I was miscarrying.  There was so much blood and cramping and the like.  After 7 hours in the emergency- baby was fine with heartbeat and movement and I was on bedrest for about a week.  We had a repeat occurrence on March 29th with the same amounts of blood and cramping, and 6 hours at ER with baby still doing okay and me on bedrest again.  It seems like it takes about 5 days for all the pain and bleeding stuff to subside and then I get to be on semi-bedrest.  This last episode was more painful than the first complete with labor pains around 3am the next night.  I hope that doesn't mean it will keep up that pattern.  My OB told me I can "putter" around and try not to be lifting.  He knows I have 3 kids and b/c of them a complete bedrest is pretty much impossible.  He also said that I may keep having episodes or it may resolve on its own.  Wait and See. Wait and See.
Throughout this ordeal everyone keeps telling me that there is nothing to be done to prevent a miscarriage or fix anything, and that it is all "wait and see."  After prayer and blessings, I feel confident of our having this baby, but I truly think this next 6 months is going to be very long.

On a lighter note (HA), I didn't lose the last 20 lbs from last pregnancy but I've only gained about 2 lbs this pregnancy (which counts as 22 in my book).  I'm trying to maybe gain less than 20 since I'm starting out heavier.  I view this as a pipe dream however, because the majority of my pregnancy will be in the summer, and I tend to take on water weight and swell when it's hot.  I think that by September 30th, I will be a very fat, swollen, uncomfortable, yet still happily pregnant woman.  We are anticipating being induced because I don't want to take a chance on having to have a natural childbirth again.  My last labor was about 2 hours from 1st cramp to baby in arms, and I'm afraid if we go into labor by ourselves it will be too quick for me to get drugs.  I really really need drugs.  Last time was a nightmare that I still cringe over.....

Taking the Supplement Plunge

I've pretty much had it.  I can't seem to muster up the energy and motivation I need to get these last 20 lbs off of me.  I try to do so much during the day that there just isn't much left at the end of the day.  Waking up at 5 am seems like an insurmountable task when I consider the extra 2 hours of sleep I could have instead.   So I talked to my pediatrician recently and we discussed me having some caffeine before workouts.  I am not a caffeine drinker from cokes for various reasons (one of which is that they taste nasty to me), so I was thinking about buying straight up caffeine pills from GNC.  I've learned that nursing mothers can have 2-3 cups of coffee a day, and that translates into 400-600 mg of caffeine a day.  I'm only planning on less than 100 mg of caffeine and only before I workout.  Gary bought me a Jillian Michaels book b/c I love the Biggest Loser among other things and she recommends Guarana. 

I looked into that and it's supposed to be similar to caffeine but with a slower time-release, so I talked to the pharmacist and he says it's safe for nursing mothers.  I went to GNC tonight and bought a bottle for about $14.00.  1 capsule of guarana= 90 mg of caffeine.  I'm super excited to try it.  Before I was married and actually until it was "outlawed" I loved to take the Ripped Fuel w/Ephedra (because it worked!!!).  I am not afraid of supplements and at this point will welcome any help that I can get.  I'll get back to you to let you know how that works out with my 20lbs. and all. 

On Monday, I went and worked out at LA Fitness with one of my girlfriends and we did a cardio/weight/combo class.  I am actually sore today (in a good way, woot woot).  The point is, that during the workout I have to check myself out to check my form, but unfortunately that means I also inadvertantly, ummm....check out my form.  I found myself looking for my waist.  I remember it distinctly.  It was somewhere between my hip bones and my bra, but I just couldn't seem to find it.  Where did it go?  I'm determined to reconquer that 'waistland.'  People keep telling me that I look good, and I think it's because some of them have nothing to compare it to except my very pregnant self.  I do look better than when I was pregnant at least, or at least better than when I was 6+ months pregnant.  (cuz right now I look like I'm at least 4-5 months prego).  Seriously, I'm still wearing only elastic waisted pants.  Not cool.  Not sexy. Not me.  So, I'm gonna take guarana, and hopefully that'll be my wonder drug or at least the kick in the pants I need because I somehow am unable to kick myself enough to have the same effect.

Moving on- I am making scrumptious oatmeal raisin cookies for a treat for Relief Society tomorrow.  They are nummy.  I have only eaten one, and since I'm delivering them tomorrow they shouldn't sabotage me too much.  I have a pretty near insatiable sweet tooth.  (hence the 20 lbs)

It actually started because there were dried out raisins in the pantry so I soaked them in a bowl of some water today for several hours, and later realized we wouldn't eat them so I should bake with them.  What better than oatmeal raisin cookies?  Yum.

I'm about to take Van to the DR. to make sure he doesn't have an ear infection.  My kids seems like they are prone to ear infections, and he has been a little cranky and pulling at his ears for the last couple of days.  He is also teething however.  His 2 front teeth are just itching to come in.  Then he will have bottom and upper; my breasts are not excited about that.  I'm afraid of how many times I'm gonna get bit.  OUCH!