funky funks

Being a mom rocks, frustrates, uplifts, angers, liberates, it does so many things to a woman.  It is a roller coaster ride.  Somedays you are up and somedays you are down, but you always know there is a curve coming and watching out for the loop-de-loops.  

Today is kinda like a loop-de-loop.  Kids crying, house is a mess, it's just a crazy crazy day, where you want to lock yourself up in a room with a bath and some nice music and enjoy some moments of sanity before you have to open the door to do the same thing you've been doing for the last who-knows-how-long.... until your loop-de-loop is over and you are on the upswing again.

Looking for the upswing, maybe it will be...tomorrow.

Arkansas Trip

We've been in Arkansas since about November 4th.  Gary's Nanny Sophie passed, and so we came down to Mississippi for the funeral.  We just stayed out after that and will return sometime around the 29th.  It's been fun being down here.  I haven't been able to exercise like I've wanted to after having a baby, but I will be for sure after we get home.  The kids have been having a blast being able to play on the big porch with scooters or in the backyard with cousins.  We have been with family almost everyday.  We eat and play cards and chit chat, and then we eat some more.  I haven't been on the scale for at least a week.  That's scary. 

It has been so nice to be around trees.  I really miss that being in SoCal most of the time, but it is so refreshing to be able to just be around tree and hills and streams, rivers, and creeks.  

The kids all have got some kind of cold or cough, and that is frustrating, but they are truckin' along just fine.  I am just hoping we can make it all the way through without having to go and see a doctor.  It seems like every trip we have to make at least one visit and usually it's because of an ear infection.  

Skyler McPhereson

Well Skyler is finally here, and I haven't been in contact with pretty much anyone.  I've just been busy and tired and not very sociable because I am so tired.  Gary's mom just left us today to go back home to Arkansas.  She was such a blessing.  I've never had anyone help me out after having a baby before, and this was bliss.  I was able to focus on me and Skyler and take pain meds that made me tired because she took care of everything for me.  It was awesome!!!! 
We've had to take Skyler in the last three days to check his billirubin levels for his jaundice.  Tuesday his levels were at 12.8, and yesterday was 14.  We'll see what the doc says about his test today.  I'm hoping not to have to take him in for light treatments.  He weighed 6lbs 3oz after I fed him at his doctor appointment on Tuesday.  He sleeps all the time just like a newborn should for his momma, but he seems to be a cluster feeder right now.  He looks pretty similar to Van, but I'm hoping for green eyes from him.  My milk has definitely come in; I am engorged and I don't want hugs from anyone and I wasn't able to take a nap today because I couldn't sleep with my chest being touched anywhere.  Side note:  I know what I would look like with larger breast implants.  HA!
On my last doctor appointment I was dilated to about 1 1/2 and 25% effaced.  Two days later, 9/24, we went to Universal Studios (b/c we had free tickets, Gary's mom was in town, and I could get some walking in to help the baby along).  It was a long, but fun day, and we went to Bubba Gump's for dinner.  It was our first time there, and everyone seemed to really like it, but the smells of the fish and overwhelming smell of fish made me extremely nauseous, so I got my order to go and ate it in the truck on the way home.  It was really good.  It was a Pear berry, chicken salad.  Yum!  We got home around 10pm, and I got to bed around midnight.  I had to pack my hospital bag and shower before I went to bed. 
I woke up at 3am to call the hospital about us coming in at 4am.  We were good to go, so I called my girlfriend to come over to help with the kids, and we ended up leaving our house about 3:45am with Gary and his mom in tow.  We got checked in at the hospital around 4:20am(ish).  The doctor wasn't due to be in until 7am.  They told me I was dilated to 1 1/2 and that I was 50% effaced.  They gave me a pill sometime in there to help soften my cervix more before they gave me Pitocin.  They took their time about everything.  I still wasn't having contractions.  Well, scratch that, I was having Braxton hicks(like) contractions.  They didn't hurt, it was just a tightening of the tummy, but they did register on the monitors.  Doctor Hordynski arrived at the hospital somewhere around 9am, but still hadn't come by to see us. 
The anesthesiologist had some kind of procedure to perform in the OR, so she gave me my epidural before she went in, because she didn't know how long she was going to be, so she opted to do it before hand to ensure I got one. Everything is a little foggy because I was so tired from 2 nights in a row with only about 4 hours of sleep each night.  When I had the Pitocin, it was giving me more of my Braxton hicks contractions, but that was it.  I think I got the Pitocin around 9am or so, and then the epidural around 10am.  I was effaced to about 70% and dilated to about a 4 or so at about 11am(ish).  I, thankfully, was still not having contractions besides my braxton hicks things, and the doctor still hadn't come by.  He had told me that he would break my water when I got to a 4.  We were all anxiously awaiting because we knew things would happen and happen fast once they broke my water, but it felt like a waiting game all morning waiting for the doc to get there to break my water.  He finally came in around 1pm, but had to leave to tend to someone else real quick, and than came back in and broke my water at 1:25pm. I checked the clock because I knew  it would be fast, and I told him that it would be.  I called a 3:00pm birth time to Gary and his mom.  Just like my other births, about 30 min later I started feeling contractions.  Thank goodness for the epidural.  It took the edge off and I was able to breathe through them all.  The last 30 minutes they were coming about about a minute apart and were really hurting (thank goodness again for the epidural!).  I pushed the button to get more medicine from the epidural, but succeeded in making my legs more tingly, but the pain from the contractions stayed about the same.  The edge was still off and I could breathe through them, but they HURT.  Oy!  We were watching the Razorback game at the time, and we were winning.  I thought it only appropriate to welcome our son into the world with a football game. 
The nurse had told me to let her know when I felt pressure, but this time, I didn't feel pressure, just more intense pain.  I had them go and get the nurse to check me.  She came in, opened my legs, and said, "we're having a baby, NOW, go get the doctor."  It was funny, but we had told them it would be quick.  About this point it was 2:56pm.  I said that I had 4 more minutes to make it by 3pm.  Dr.  Hordynski came in and told me not to push yet.  He got suited up, sat down, and said he was "ready to rock n' roll."  I pushed once and the head came out.  He asked for a little push, and then out came the shoulders, and one more push and everything came out.  It was 3:03pm.  I felt the relief after he had come out and again when the placenta came out.  aaaaah.  so. much. better. 
So, Skyler was 6 lbs., 9oz, and 19inches long.  He is smaller than my girls were, but he was also 4 days early.  He was covered with Vernix as well. 
We got skin-to-skin time for a few hours.  They told me it was only going to be a few minutes, so I didn't nurse him right away this time.  It was about 21 hours without eating anything, so by the time I did, I was hungry.  My sister was super sweet and brought me Quiznos.  I ate all of that and then had a hospital dinner in addition.
I was in the hospital until Monday, Sept 27th.  We checked out around 2pm or so. 
I look forward to losing weight, and getting sleep.  So far I'm down about 11 lbs with about 60 more to go.  Oy!
We are so glad he's here, and now that I've written down most of it, I hope this'll help me to remember those little things.

Side note, Gary gave me a blessing around 6am on Saturday morning because i was starting to feel a little panicky.   I felt assured that the people working that day were specially arranged to help me get through this birth after having the last experience I'd had with Van, and .everyone was amazing!

baby is coming

we are about to leave for the hospital for me to be induced!  it's strange waking up with no contractions and my water not having broken to go have a baby, especially since i was having some great sleep.  oh well.  hopefully sooner than later we'll have a new baby, although i will be exhausted again and as usual.  i'm praying i don't have to be on pitocin long, and we can get this "show on the road".  on my last check from the doctor i was at 1 1/2 and 25% effaced.  we'll see what they say in a few hours.  i have at least since then lost my mucous plug and have had some more braxton hicks, so i hope that means i'm progressing even further.  i can't believe i'm awake. 
the nurse said to bring pillows and blankets and only 2 people can be in the room with me at one time.  HA!  that's easy enough.  it will be me and mamma lee. 

that's it for now, just waiting for trish to get here so we can leave my other 3 precious kids, to go bring us another one.  when i showed hazel skyler's "take home outfit" she asked if he was really gonna be that tiny. i think it made it a little more real for her, and it was cute.

My boyfriend's back.....

Yeah, not really.  I got a random email from an ex-boyfriend of mine today.  It was a relationship that I ended and was definitely not going to pursue.  He had an anger problem that I wasn't going to let him fix on me.  In addition to that Gary was getting off of his mission, and he was my first priority to explore that option, so it was perfect timing to end my previous relationship.  It ended kinda badly.  He told me some things that affected me and even further cemented my decision to break up with him.  (I had always told every boyfriend that Gary was a possibility when he got home from his mission- I was up front about that from the start).  Anyway, so I got this message today from him today saying how he'd had things on his mind for about 10 years and that he was sorry about how he had acted and that he was embarrassed and that he had been childish and was embarrassed about that.  He said that I had been a good friend to him.  Anyway, he also told me about things that he said to me that weren't true, so I'm guessing now that he said them to hurt me because I was hurting him by leaving him.  It sure threw me for a loop getting that message, but reflecting back now, I'm glad to know that some of those things weren't true that he said, and also that he knows he acted badly.  Maybe that makes him a better person today for knowing that about himself from so long ago.  It also makes me wonder if it had really been plaguing him, cuz that would suck for him.  I just keep thinking that I have been so blissfully happy with Gary and that once I broke up with the other guy I never looked back.  Part of me feels vindicated and part of me just feels sad for him.  But all in all, it was still kind of a cool message to get.  Thought I'd share.

Just listen to her

Well, this may be premature, but I'm writing about it anyway.  For the last couple of weeks, Scarlett keeps having near fits when we go to put diapers on for bed.  She kept telling me that she didn't want a diaper.  I told her that if she can have a dry diaper in the morning that we will let her sleep in panties.  She kept waking up wet, so we'd still been putting her in diapers.  She is 32 months now.  Well 2-3 days ago,  I was checking on everyone before I went to bed and found her stark naked.  I didn't want to chance waking her up by putting on a diaper because frankly I didn't want to deal, so I just let it go.  Tonight is the third night now that I am putting her to bed sans diaper because she has been dry the last two mornings.  I may have accidentally gotten myself into having only 1 kid in diapers now (at least till Skyler comes along next month).  I'm super excited about the whole thing and just hope she keeps it up.  When Hazel decided she was done with diapers at night she did it kind of all of a sudden too.  It's awesome.  I'm hoping Van will only be in diapers another year before we can have him potty training.  fingers crossed.

8 months pregnant

It's been about 3 months, so I thought i'd take a minute and write something.  Something is definitley better than nothing. 
Last time I went to my doctor I was about 6-8 lbs short of my end prego weight with Hazel.  That is pretty frustrating, but I'm hoping, hoping, hoping, to be able to get it all off faster than 9 months that it came on.  I can only walk, swim, or stationary bike for my cardio afterwards, so this will be a challenge.  Normally, I go with treadmill, running, and stairmaster.  I've got to  get my hips back in alignment before I can start running again.  At least I won't have to buy running shoes yet.

I have 1 month and 1 day until I'm induced.  Gary's mom will be out here, and that is mainly because mom won't be able to come since she'll be cruising.  It'll be good for her to be out here though, we love her, and she hasn't been able to be there for the birth of a baby yet.  This will be nice.

We finally bought a traverse from a dealership in Texas.  We spent probably $5,000 more than our goal, but we saved at least $10,000.  It's a tradeoff, and we'll keep this vehicle for about 4 years or so before we'll have to get an 8 passenger vehicle.  This one is 7 passenger and it just had the extra amenities I wanted, but didn't need.  I am doubting my decision a little bit since payments are gonna be more than what I had budgeted, but I'm chillin' for now.  Since we got such a good deal, we should be good to go when we trade/sell it for the next one.  Debt is so stressful.  Must be why they tell you to get out and stay out!

Gary has 6 classes left till bachelor's degree.  He's doing 4 right now plus an institute class he's teaching, plus our new baby coming.  He is busy busy busy.  I remember with fondness our childfree days, and I love our kids, but I think it's hard because it's os hard for me to move around right now.  It'll be nice when I can be more mobile, and then our kids will slowly be getting older.

I'm trying to put together a schedule so that my days will be organized.  Rough draft goes something like this:

morning:  prayer, scriptures, breakfast, cleaning, and learning time

afternoon:  naptime/quiet time, play time, makeup and husband time

night:  play with kids, cook dinner, clean up, have family scriptures and pray/fhe, get kids to bed,  exercise, husband time, journal

it's packed, but structure is good right???????? 

Frustrations:  Scarlett not listening and disciplining her.  It breaks my heart to discipline her, but she needs it.  I"m wondering if i need to be more creative with her????

Hazel, I need to figure out a good way to teach her how to write letters and learn to read without frustrating her.  Right now I'm taking the stance of practice, practice, practice. 

thoughts running through my mind

1.  Ultrasound on the 28th of May.  I'm hoping it's a boy!  I'll be 22 weeks at the time of ultrasound, so we'll see. Fingers crossed.  The other thing is that we'll get to see if my Hematoma is still hanging around, and hope that it's not.  I still have to take it easy because my hips have been hurting, but at least then I can lift up my kids and play with them more if the hematoma is gone.

2.  I love sushi, and I still want to go get the honey mustard chicken fingers salad thingy at BJs.

3.  I know I'm gonna swell this summer with this pregnancy.  So I wonder how nasty I'm gonna look and how much weight that will put on me.  ugh!  Not looking forward to all the work it's gonna take to be me again after this baby.  I remember blissfully being able to button jeans with no muffin top.

4.  I love my kids, and I love date nights with the husbands.  I need more date nights.  I'm aiming for at least once a week.

5.  Random- the President of Mexico was condemning our immigration policy and the AZ law.  Hypocritical, funny, ironic- Mexico's immigration policy states, among other things, that they will deport people who immigrate there illegally and that they can bar people from coming into their country based on physical and mental capacity.  They also must be productive members of society contributing to the good of Mexico and have the financial means to sustain themselves.  Imagine if we adopted their policy?????

6.  I'm up 35 lbs this pregnancy if I count the extra 20 that I didn't lose from the last pregnancy.  Technically I've only gained 15 lbs so far this one.

7.  We have to get a new vehicle soon.  Which to choose???  Another car pymt-ugh. 

There are always more, but it's funny when you start trying to get them out how much you forget.

8.  I'm reading the Lord of the Rings series.  They are good, but slow because Tolkien is sooooo descriptive.

......to be cont'd.....

don't know when to shut up

Yeah, I sometimes just share too much information, like i'm about to do.  Probably, maybe, who knows, anyway, here goes:

So I'm almost 17 weeks prego and still on "take it easy" mode.  I'm also unfortunately, still on pelvic rest for at least 2 more weeks.  I tried to be a little more active on Saturday night and ended up bleeding, so my pelvic rest has been extended for 2 more weeks.  Ugh!  It's already been a month!  Seriously.  I left church early on Sunday because I had a hot flash that left me feeling week and with cold sweats.  I needed to lie down, so Gary took me home and after laying down for about 2 hours and 2 grilled cheese sandwiches- I felt better. 
Side note, I'm up 20 lbs from last pregnancy (old news), but have only gained an additional 5 lbs or so this pregnancy, so that's good.  I know that water weight is coming though.  I'm not looking forward to the swelling the summer will bring- although maybe it won't be too bad if I'm still have to be in rest mode for the rest of the pregnancy.
My stomach still is bothering me, so I am not doing too much, but I feel a little lazy this way.  It's for the baby and it's only temporary.  I went to a ward activity on Saturday with the fam, and that seemed fine.  I sat most of the time, and it was nice to just get out of the house.
One good thing about having complications in pregnancy is the increased number of ultrasounds I will get to have, and since I'm 17 weeks, by the time we get the next one, we should know gender.  (please be a boy, please be a boy, come on Skyler M. Bailey)
What else?  I think my girls are getting better about letting me rest, and at the same time getting restless about me needing rest.  They aren't listening as well as normal, and that's frustrating.  Scarlett has started talking a lot more this last week, and that is exciting.  Van is getting better about his schedule and has started sleeping through the night again ( a couple times in the last week, whew!). 
So, my birthday is on Friday, and my husband has given me 4 pairs of new shoes.  I love them, and am wondering if I am getting too many pairs of shoes, but I have to admit that I am still on the lookout for some knee-high, black stiletto boots. (size 8, if you please :)  We are going to go to Melting Pot for the first time and dine in fondue heaven.  There is one present that I'm not getting yet, but I'm hoping that it will be coming.  It's the one thing I really really really want cuz it'd be awesome for me and good for someone else.  Cryptic, cryptic, eh? 
Lastly,  I can't wait to get botox and some fillers someday.  I just thought I'd throw that one in there. 
This post seems very unorganized and just info that is thrown out there, but there it is.  Sometimes, that's just how my brain works.   muah!

My Hiatus

I've lost my camera, so I don't have any pics to post right now, but I am pretty much back from my hiatus.  I found out I was pregnant and after you find out you're pregnant, but aren't ready to announce it- that is pretty much all that's on your mind: hence my not writing anything at all.  I am going to be 15 weeks on Thursday, so am over my hump-that's good.  i am still not "out of the woods" yet, however.  This pregnancy has experienced cramping and then the usual morning sickness and difficulty during the time I have to be on my meds (make me tired and dizzy), but I also have a subchorionic hematoma.  In Layman's terms- I have a hole where my uterus/placenta has pulled away from the uterine wall.  It puts me at a higher danger for miscarriage and I seem to be going between bedrest and semi-bedrest until this things resolves itself and it may or may not.  I have no doubt that we'll have this baby; I just don't know when (full term?) and how painful/inconvenient/scary/frustrating the rest of this pregnancy will be.  It is hard to take it easy and not lift up the kids to much and not do much housework, but I'm trying to be very good about listening to my body.  My husband is also my own personal superman, having picked up the slack like a pro (as much as he can, we still have crazy laundry and the house is in disarray).  He has been cooking and lifting and feeding and changing and bathing everyone so I don't have to do it, and that is so nice.  Some girlfriends have been so awesome to take the kids a few days so I could rest and some have come over while gary is in school, brought me snacks (they were so good:  reese's puffs, sweedish fish, gum, sourpatch kids, grapes and this morning greek food!), and my mom has been able to come up to help at night while gary is in school.  It has been so much help, and this just all started on the 18th.
We had to go to the emergency room because I thought I was miscarrying.  There was so much blood and cramping and the like.  After 7 hours in the emergency- baby was fine with heartbeat and movement and I was on bedrest for about a week.  We had a repeat occurrence on March 29th with the same amounts of blood and cramping, and 6 hours at ER with baby still doing okay and me on bedrest again.  It seems like it takes about 5 days for all the pain and bleeding stuff to subside and then I get to be on semi-bedrest.  This last episode was more painful than the first complete with labor pains around 3am the next night.  I hope that doesn't mean it will keep up that pattern.  My OB told me I can "putter" around and try not to be lifting.  He knows I have 3 kids and b/c of them a complete bedrest is pretty much impossible.  He also said that I may keep having episodes or it may resolve on its own.  Wait and See. Wait and See.
Throughout this ordeal everyone keeps telling me that there is nothing to be done to prevent a miscarriage or fix anything, and that it is all "wait and see."  After prayer and blessings, I feel confident of our having this baby, but I truly think this next 6 months is going to be very long.

On a lighter note (HA), I didn't lose the last 20 lbs from last pregnancy but I've only gained about 2 lbs this pregnancy (which counts as 22 in my book).  I'm trying to maybe gain less than 20 since I'm starting out heavier.  I view this as a pipe dream however, because the majority of my pregnancy will be in the summer, and I tend to take on water weight and swell when it's hot.  I think that by September 30th, I will be a very fat, swollen, uncomfortable, yet still happily pregnant woman.  We are anticipating being induced because I don't want to take a chance on having to have a natural childbirth again.  My last labor was about 2 hours from 1st cramp to baby in arms, and I'm afraid if we go into labor by ourselves it will be too quick for me to get drugs.  I really really need drugs.  Last time was a nightmare that I still cringe over.....

Taking the Supplement Plunge

I've pretty much had it.  I can't seem to muster up the energy and motivation I need to get these last 20 lbs off of me.  I try to do so much during the day that there just isn't much left at the end of the day.  Waking up at 5 am seems like an insurmountable task when I consider the extra 2 hours of sleep I could have instead.   So I talked to my pediatrician recently and we discussed me having some caffeine before workouts.  I am not a caffeine drinker from cokes for various reasons (one of which is that they taste nasty to me), so I was thinking about buying straight up caffeine pills from GNC.  I've learned that nursing mothers can have 2-3 cups of coffee a day, and that translates into 400-600 mg of caffeine a day.  I'm only planning on less than 100 mg of caffeine and only before I workout.  Gary bought me a Jillian Michaels book b/c I love the Biggest Loser among other things and she recommends Guarana. 

I looked into that and it's supposed to be similar to caffeine but with a slower time-release, so I talked to the pharmacist and he says it's safe for nursing mothers.  I went to GNC tonight and bought a bottle for about $14.00.  1 capsule of guarana= 90 mg of caffeine.  I'm super excited to try it.  Before I was married and actually until it was "outlawed" I loved to take the Ripped Fuel w/Ephedra (because it worked!!!).  I am not afraid of supplements and at this point will welcome any help that I can get.  I'll get back to you to let you know how that works out with my 20lbs. and all. 

On Monday, I went and worked out at LA Fitness with one of my girlfriends and we did a cardio/weight/combo class.  I am actually sore today (in a good way, woot woot).  The point is, that during the workout I have to check myself out to check my form, but unfortunately that means I also inadvertantly, ummm....check out my form.  I found myself looking for my waist.  I remember it distinctly.  It was somewhere between my hip bones and my bra, but I just couldn't seem to find it.  Where did it go?  I'm determined to reconquer that 'waistland.'  People keep telling me that I look good, and I think it's because some of them have nothing to compare it to except my very pregnant self.  I do look better than when I was pregnant at least, or at least better than when I was 6+ months pregnant.  (cuz right now I look like I'm at least 4-5 months prego).  Seriously, I'm still wearing only elastic waisted pants.  Not cool.  Not sexy. Not me.  So, I'm gonna take guarana, and hopefully that'll be my wonder drug or at least the kick in the pants I need because I somehow am unable to kick myself enough to have the same effect.

Moving on- I am making scrumptious oatmeal raisin cookies for a treat for Relief Society tomorrow.  They are nummy.  I have only eaten one, and since I'm delivering them tomorrow they shouldn't sabotage me too much.  I have a pretty near insatiable sweet tooth.  (hence the 20 lbs)

It actually started because there were dried out raisins in the pantry so I soaked them in a bowl of some water today for several hours, and later realized we wouldn't eat them so I should bake with them.  What better than oatmeal raisin cookies?  Yum.

I'm about to take Van to the DR. to make sure he doesn't have an ear infection.  My kids seems like they are prone to ear infections, and he has been a little cranky and pulling at his ears for the last couple of days.  He is also teething however.  His 2 front teeth are just itching to come in.  Then he will have bottom and upper; my breasts are not excited about that.  I'm afraid of how many times I'm gonna get bit.  OUCH!

Gym Rat

I have tried working out at home, but it just doesn't work for me.  I need weights.  I also don't like to mess up my carpet.  I've thought about getting one of those plastic chair mats for office chairs.  I can't jump rope or do jumping jacks on my carpet or run in place because I am determined that it will ruin my carpet.  I am a gym rat.  I love to work out at the gym.  I love the environment, equipment, amenities, but also at the gym lives one of my....pet peeves. 
It seems there are several types of women who work out at the gym:

1.  the fat women who belong there and are at least showing up to try to make a difference.  They come in sweats and a t-shirt or just whatever they can throw together.  I don't see these there very often , but I do respect them.

2.  the women who aren't fit yet, but they definitely aren't fat either, they have gotten off their butts and are in a habit of working out again, but just haven't reached their goals yet.  They wear a whole myriad of work out gear or sweats or whatever.

3.  There are the in-shape hottie women who show up to workout; they are in maintenance mode and have their hair up and work out and go home. (and those of us who are still in the fatty mode or at least in the only 20lbs to go mode use them for motivation)

and then there are my pet peeves:

4.  These are the ladies who are hottie bodies with super cute (or just super skimpy) clothes with perfect makeup and their hair is blow dryed, flat-ironed, and DOWN!  They go through the motions and show up to be admired but not to work (that is my personal opinion and in my experience is completely on point)

These ladies drive me crazy.  I always wonder, what is the point?  They makeup is fresh, which I try to excuse by thinking MAYBE they came straight from work so it just happens to still be on from the day (except that it's fresh).  What it really comes down to is the hair.  Cute clothes?  fine.  Makeup? excusable under certain circumstances.  Hair fixed, flat ironed and down?  What could possibly make that okay?  If you are going to work out then put your flippin' hair up.  Seriously!  If you came to show off your figure and get some hookups-ummm go to the club.  It drives me INSANE.  Women get all in a tiffy about men hitting on them at the gym and then they pull these kind of stunts.  What do you expect?  If you have your cute workout clothes on and your hair up and you are actually working out and then you get hit on- I think that's completely different- you can't help your cuteness and the guy's brashness.  The other women-Flat Iron Flaunters who are only their for show-well I wish they'd just stay home or at the store, or just about anywhere else and let me work without their taking up space and equipment that could actually be used by someone else who wants to work it- on the equipment.

Thanks for the Rant.

p.s. I have no problem with personal trainers having fresh makeup and doing their hair however they want.  It's their job and they are selling their services and need to look their best-including hair and makeup-although personally I just scope out their own body to see how well they do their job.  If your hair dresser has bad hair, turn around and walk out the door, and if a trainer is not in shape and then some-don't bother.

I'm not ready to dry up...yet.

So lately I feel like I have been so empty....as far as milk production goes.  I'm a little worried about drying up before it's time.  I still have 4 1/2 months to go to get Van the Man to the year mark.  Tonight, I only got 3 oz out of one side.  I wonder if it's because I'm stressed or he's eating more at night, or what. 

Another thing, I got my very first cold sore.  Not something to celebrate, but it was an eye-opening-now-I-have-empathy-for-all-other-cold-sore-endurers, and I had to buy a $16 tube of Abreva that was maybe 1/10 of 1 oz.  Ugh!  I woke up at about 3am(ish) and it felt like my kid had accidentally scratched my lip and it was burning.  I woke up to find a gathering of 7 blisters on my lower lip.  It was some burning, tingly, pussy nastiness.  Gross, Gross, Gross.  I've had it for over a week now, and my hubba hubba husband says I should just pick off the scab, but I informed him scars are for guys so I'd just wait it out.  I haven't been able to smooch on him or my babies for a week!  This is a picture of it in the healing process.  ewwww!

Lastly, ummm why don't women pluck their eyebrows?  Seriously!  if women would just ya know, do a little plucking, waxing, and trimming it would make a world of difference.  I'm always up for looking like a woman and looking your hottest that you can, but last week I caught a glance at myself -sans makeup-. 

When did that happen?  Yeah all of a sudden or so it seemed my eyebrows had just about grown in completely.  I set out to remedy the situation and do an overall status update of myself.  I managed to take a pic of my eyebrows a few days later, also sans makeup.  Once I zoomed in, I could tell that it still needs a little work, but aaaah- so much better.

  I'm always one that asks, "didn't she look in the mirror before she left the house?"  Apparently I hadn't, but I'm better now, and to top it all off I resisted the third slice of Papa John's candian bacon/pineapple goodness that I sooooo wanted tonight....

So many Projects.... To Do!

I lately feel like I'm attempting to be a Jill-of-all-trades kinda mom.  I'm hyped to get started in woodworking because I want to build some furniture.  I want to reupholster our nasty couches.

Last year I took a cake decorating class, and have some of those to come up in the future.

 I also want to sand and repaint our coffee table and contemplating our kitchen cabinets.  I want to make some felt playhouses and quiet books for my kids and I need to start another quilt.  So to put it in list form:

Cake decorator

Baker

Carpenter-make some furniture

Seamstress-felt playhouse and quiet books

Reupholstery-redo my couches
Refinisher-coffee table and kitchen cabinets

I also need to get busy and practice the piano some more.  Too ambitious much?  It'll be fun, but those are things that I'm just craving to do.  The problem too is that with our small house, I do not have a craft room or spare areas to be able to do these things.  We park both cars in the garage so I'd have to keep a car in the driveway if I want to play with wood in there, and my couches if I'm going to be redoing them, because there is no way in hades that I can do that in the house with the kids.


On a side note- Van now has 2 teeth that has come in and Scarlett is starting to pee in the toilet instead of her diaper.  Wahoo!  Now, if I could only keep up with housework, reading to my kids, reading for myself, praying with my kids, doing something educational with them, laundry, singing to them, play with them, making dinners, working out so that I can get rid of this nasty post-baby-bod before we get prego again.....so much to do!   Also, I did find an awesome way to store my breast milk in the freezer.  I put a small cutting board in the freezer so that I can lay down the milk bags flat in there while they freeze.  They are nice and flat this way and much more "organize-able".  It makes me happy.

If it's not one thing....

It's definitely another. I think that trials are AWESOME-just not when you are going through them. When it rains it pours right, but maybe we should quit standing in the rain and let Jesus hold the umbrella to shield us a little bit. It'll still be raining but at least you won't be hit so hard and it's not nearly as bad being in the rain if you have an umbrella, right? My goal is to give more of the junk to Jesus. I just found out about some money we're going to have to use to fix some stuff, and where is that going to come from? Seriously! We can't refinance, sooooo where do you pull extra extra extra money from? Beats me, but I'm trying my darnedest to put my trust in the Lord on this one. He's gonna take care of us and He had to know this was gonna happen and He still said he'd take care of us, so I just gotta have a little faith.

I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be paycheck to paycheck. I don't want to live in a trailer or eat mac-n-cheese for dinner, but honestly if worse comes to worse in our lives here on the earth- I find solace in knowing it's only temporary and after we die that's when we get our true reward anyway. I don't think it'll get that bad, but if it ever did at least I have an awesome family and my faith in God will carry me through anything- if you'll only let it. So quit getting drenched and get under Jesus' umbrella-he's holding it whether you want to use it or not. So whatcha gonna do?

Kids, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em

Seriously, I have been having "mom cabinfeverfunknessitis." Yeah, it's real...err...sorta...okay so i totally made it up, but it describes my recent funk. I can't get my house clean or do laundry or make myself load everyone up to go do errands by myslef or get dressed or fix my hair or do my makeup and I'm going stir crazy. Blissful are the days with no children where you can run free and go see a show and run to go get some....whatever... that you forgot at the store or just return library books without unbuckling kids from their carseats to tote them all inside with you so that you aren't a cps victim somehow- b/c of this blasted pc society. I haven't been able to workout b/c I can't seem to be able to drag myself out to go do it unless it's after 10pm and then I really want to try to get to bed b/c I know the kids will wake me up in a few hours to feed or to sleep with me or just because we should celebrate the first rays of sun having peeked over the horizon. Don't they know "I just want to sleep for a few more minutes mom?" Except now I am the mom, and if I don't change their diaper no one will, or feed them veggies or wipe their bottom or bathe them or brush their teeth. Their survival is based upon me at least until daddy gets home or until they get old enough to fend for themselves. I chase them, I yell, I scream, I plead, I reason, I spank, I discipline.... I get so tired of doing all of that. I need a DVR so I can pause this program of life and take a moment and RELAX and relish in some silence, but in our life's program it just keeps going and sometimes it feels like the fast forward was pushed and you yearn for the past.

People tell me all the time to cherish this time because I will miss it. Will I? REALLY? You miss the middle of the night feeding sessions? You miss the yelling and frustration and the disciplining your kids because they honestly don't know better yet? You miss ear infections and teething and exploding diapers and mystery illnesses and sore nipples and the ups and downs of the weight gains from pregnancy? The tantrums the breakdowns, the spilled Tide and the fecal matter spread as if it were finger paint on the crib???? Will I miss it? HA!

On the other Hand- I remember having the baby fever yearning to have a baby. I remember running to pee on the test and waiting for a little + to appear. I was sad when it didn't and overjoyed when it finally did. I remember losing babies to miscarriage and finally, finally making it past the 12 week mark and celebrating the birth of my baby. I relish the smiles and giggles and the discovery of new words and new milestones. I love hear my daughter pray to God to "bless Jesus to come back" and watching my kids love on each other. I get little glimpses of heaven when my daughter can tell I'm having a hard time and am frustrated and she comes and gives me a hug and kisses my cheek, and says, "Mommy, I always love you." I will miss the moments of snuggling my sweet baby boy and feeling my heart grow a little bit larger with the love I have for my 3 babies. I will miss the moments. I know I'm naieve now because I know probably 10 years from now I will again long for another baby and miss these moments, but for now I really can't wait to be a grandma!

The great thing is- I know how women are feeling so overwhelmed as young mothers. I can empathize with them and it helps me as I endure this so I know what others like me are going through with their bundles of trouble/mischevious/joy/angels. Thank heaven (literally) I have a great husband, but I am still struggling to get through the days, but at least I know I'm not alone. This is only temporary, and soon I'll look back and...well you know.

p.s. I really can't live without my kids for all that they do or don't do sometimes- I wouldn't trade 'em for anything.

Lazy Dayzzzzz

I need need need to workout, but I keep finding myself at the end of days, just wanting to chillax, and not do anything but eat sweets with hubby while we watch a movie or read. I'm still up 20 lbs from this last pregnancy, and I keep thinking I NEED to go workout. I would love to (a) fit in my jeans and (b) be sexy for my husband again, because this belly is just not cutting it. I figure we're probably about to get pregnant again soon, so it needs to go so it doesn't get added to the mix. That's another little temptation in the back of the head calling to me-you're about to get pregnant again anyway. Argh! Just go workout already, I was doing so well. Now, I find myself also thinking, "I don't want to miss husband time at night, and I for sure don't feel like waking up at 5am", but maybe I should. I'm just in an exercising funk funk funk.

I wish I could take some kind of workout pill, but most of those are loaded with caffeine and things that will pass through to baby Van while nursing, so that won't work, but I would love to do it because I just need a swift kick in my elastic/drawstring pants.

She made me do it.....

So thanks to my bff I'm gonna try to put some more effort into blogging. She even complimented me and told me I could write well. (HA, that remains to be seen, but it was really sweet to feed my ego that way). My problem with blogging is that I tend to open my mouth and get myself in trouble, so I'll have to feel this out. My hottie husband has a blog, and I love to blog-hop so why not?

Now, I'll have to figure out how to make it look presentable-really cute-so that I can have something to look at, or so others can if they happen to peruse my blog.

The entertaining thing for me lately is listening to H's prayers. Tonight, she was saying prayer over her potstickers and finished but let me know that she forgot to bless Jesus, so she proceeded to say another prayer to bless Jesus. She finished and realized that she forgot to bless God, but that God was as special as Jesus (seriously, don't know where this idea came from) so she didn't need another prayer to bless HIm. I informed her that God was Jesus' daddy and spawned in her the NEED to say another prayer to bless God since He is Jesus' daddy. After her prayer, she was so happy because everyone had been blessed.